


Hiraeth

by GuineaPotato



Category: VALORANT (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Communication, Cypher/Nora (mentioned), M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nora (VALORANT) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24822277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuineaPotato/pseuds/GuineaPotato
Summary: Sometimes all you want,  is for things to go back to the way they were.
Relationships: Cypher/Sova (VALORANT)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language. More tags will be added when new chapters arrive.

Of all the mission locations, Bind was Cyphers least favorite. While he was familiar with the area, it contained too many memories. Too many feelings. Which don’t come in handy when you’re being shot at. Then again, being familiar with the area also meant knowing the peak sniping spots.

Currently hiding in his third snipers nest. The other two being discovered after a ‘damn nice headshot’, in Jett’s words. Maybe the ‘clones’ did communicate better then they initially thought. Better not take any risks. Tripwires placed securely but hidden to counter any flankers. Camera set up to give the best vision. Though he was quite certain the leftover enemies where on the other point. He had send Jett over to help them. Just in case. He would be fine.

New gunshots in the distance. His teammates seemingly engaged in a new battle. As long as no call for backup was made, he should stay put. Not like running through the heat in full equipment was his favorite hobby.

His mind started to wander. Memories of his friends arising. Even though they all passed away. Most of them in the first light events. Though he could still see them walk around. Annoying people trying to shop. Stealing some fruit. The visuals of his memories have gotten worse over time. Though most appeared on point ‘A’. Which is why he preferred to watch the window and garden on the other side.

_Focus Aamir. They are dead. You are not. There is a mission to finish._

Checking his camera, still nobody. No footsteps. No disturbance in the tripwires. Comm still silent.

_Nora….. I hope I have time to visit your grave._

Cypher let out a deep sigh just before his comm came to life with the heavy voice of Brimstone.

‘Spike is secure and the clones are dead. Pack up. We are leaving in 15 minutes. Meet us at the clearing near the river. Jett is on her way to help you.’

Getting up from his hiding spot. Cypher stretched with a groan. A few vertebrae popping back in place. It was always such a relief to get up after crouching for what seemed like hours. He collected his camera and placed it back securely in his jacket. Thankful it didn’t take much damage today. Hearing light but swift footsteps rapidly approaching. Passing the tripwire unharmed. Nearly passing Cypher in her haste.

‘Cypher you just missed an awesome battle!’ Jett excitingly proclaimed. Bouncing from one foot to the other. Watching as the other retrieved his tripwires. Giving them a quick roll between his fingers before putting them away.

‘I bet you did amazing my wind assassin. Are you hurt?’  
‘HAH! of course not Cy. Who do you think you’re talking too? And even if they did get a lucky shot in, Sage would be there to patch me right back up.’

Slowly the pair walked to the pickup point. Jett continuing to tell the details of the battle.

‘It got even better! My clone tried to flee! Imagine that Cy. My clone. Fleeing from a battle! Hunted that little shit right down. Finished it off with a knife right between the eyes. That stupid thing never even saw it coming….’

‘Language Jett.

‘You should have seen it’s stupid face.’

Arriving at the garden the pair fell into a tense silence. A burning question on Jett’s tongue. Watching Cypher pick up the abandoned ladder lying on the ground. Placing it against the wall.

‘So, um, Cy…. I asked Brim for some extra time. Are you planning on going to your special spot again?

‘I was planning to, yes.’

‘Can I come?’

‘No.’

‘Oh…’ Jett stared at the ground. Unsure of how to respond.

‘Look Jett…’ Cypher placed a hand on the girls shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. ‘It’s nothing personal. It’s just….. something I must do alone.’

Jett nodded in agreement. Quickly grabbing Cypher in a hug. ‘We’re your family Cy. If you need us, I’ll… we’ll be there.’ Letting go of the hug Jett placed a small punch on the others shoulder. ‘Okay?’

Cypher nodded in agreement before sighing. Moving up the ladder swiftly. While being grateful for the extra time. It was still limited. He quickly moved over the roofs before moving down. Placing a tripwire just to be sure. Passing small nooks and crannies before exiting outside the town’s border. Swiftly moving to a small oasis. Only to stop at the edge before removing his mask. Taking in a deep breath before swallowing hard. There, in front of him, a memory he never wanted to forget.

Nora.

‘My love…’

Slowly Cypher moved to the small grave. Mask in hand. Bionic glue eyes staring at the ground. Dark circles underneath them. Accentuated by a soft blue glow. A headache starting to build at his temples.

‘I know this is not the face you fell in love with but…’

A few more steps before halting. Heart pounding in his throat. Cyphers tears hit the ground the same time as his knees. Hands coming up to cover his face. Trying to muffle the sobs. Breathing deep in an attempt to stop the tears. Crying always made his headache so much worse.

‘It should have been me. I should be the one dead. Not you. I’m the street rat. The bastard. The nuisance. I deserve to be the one in this grave. I was supposed to protect you.’

Taking in a few deep breaths in an attempt to compose himself. More tears falling on the sandy ground. Sitting in silence. Trying to make the most of leftover minutes.

To early Jetts voice broke the silence on his comm. Warning him that he only had a few minutes left.

‘I have to go now, my love. I love you.’

A quick kiss was placed on the grave before Cypher rose. Drying his eyes with his sleeve. The sun would remove any wetness on his clothes in a heartbeat. Taking a few more deep breaths. Head thumping by now. He was sure he looked horrible. Never being more grateful for his mask while he quickly made his way back.

Jett was still waiting for his return in the gardens. Messing around with her knives. He saw some random drawings and korean words in the sand. They stared at each other for a few seconds before quickly moving to the pick up point in silence.

\---

‘Eyy! There he is!’

Phoenix loud voice definitely did not help Cypher’s still pounding headache. Nor did the loud thumping of the helicopter blades. He squinted his eyes while holding his hat.

Just keep going forwards Aamir. One step at a time.

Nearly bumping into Phoenix who had gotten real close all of a sudden. Staring right into his bionic eyes. Since when could he move this fast?

‘Cy, bro… are you ok?’

‘Im fine, Phoenix. let’s get going.’  
The Brit didn’t seem convinced but still decided to drop the subject with a soft ‘ait.’.

\---

The flight back to homebase could only be described as pure and utter hell. Headache thumping behind prosthetic eyes to the beat of his heart. Being hypervigilant of every sound. Phoenix had fallen asleep. Softly snoring. Jett was tapping her feet on the floor. Sage and Brimstone we’re quietly discussing something. Though he wasn’t able to hear any of it. opting instead to close his eyes. Pretending to be asleep. Making a poor attempt to block out the sounds.

Nearly breathing a sigh of relief when they -finally- arrived back to the flying ruins of Venice. The thought of grabbing some painkillers and the sweet relief of sleep what got him off the helicopter and towards his teammates where Brimstone was barking orders.

‘Well done on the mission everyone. Debriefing is in one hour. The other team has not made it back to base. We are expecting them back somewhere tomorrow. Grab some food and hit the showers.’

Phoenix and Jett nearly cheered with the promise of food. Their powers demanding a lot of energy. Making Cypher nearly miss Brimstones next order.

‘... Take Cypher to the medbay.’

_Wait, what?_

Before he could register what was said. Sage had already grabbed his sleeve and started dragging him to the medbay. Hearing Phoenix muttering an oh damn under his breath. The Chinese moving quickly through the base with a speed that didn’t match her height.

When the doors slid open, bright lights automatically turned on. Drawing a small hiss when they started yet another wave of harsh stabs inside his tempel. Sitting down when Sage spoke.

‘Ever since the mission ended you have been acting strange. What has happened?’

‘I just have a headache my lovely Sage. Staring through an operator for nearly the entire mission does put a lot of strain on these eyes. It is nothing new.’

Sage cocked one eyebrow. ‘You have mentioned this before yes. But that was some time ago.’ Staring at the masked man in a contest that seemed to last forever when finally the trance was broken with a sigh.

‘Have some painkillers and grab some rest. I will report back to Brimstone.’

Relief hidden behind his mask, Cypher rose from his chair. Muttering a soft thank you. Rolling his shoulders to relieve some of the tension before reaching to grab the painkillers that Sage was holding. The walk back to the door seemed to take forever.

‘Oh and Cypher?

He was so close. Fingers ghosting over the automatic door lock.

‘Stop trying to tamper with my files.I know you did not have your basic checkup in months. I will see you tomorrow, in this medbay, at 10AM.’

_Shit_

‘Tomorrow, 10AM.’ Cypher repeated in confirmation before quickly exiting. Moving straight to his sleeping quarters. Grateful that other team had not arrived back yet. The last thing he could use was another distraction.

As soon as he entered his room he took of his jacket. Hanging it neatly over a chair. Hat following before peeling of his mask. Breathing a sigh of relief. He really should take a shower. Dried sweat still covering his body. He just didn’t feel it.

‘I’ll shower in the morning.’ He murmured to himself. Taking one of the painkillers and swallowing it dry before collapsing on the bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he fell into a restless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments. I really appreciate them all! Part of this chapter has been written while high on pain medication. Alternative name for this chapter would be: how not to communicate.

Cybernetic eyes slowly opened. Staring at the clock reading 5AM. Memories of the previous day intruding back into his mind. At least his headache was gone. He stretched with a groan and a yawn before dragging himself out of bed and into the showers before everyone else. 

The door to the showers openen with a soft hiss. Light automatically turning on to show the lockers on the left. A row of mirrors hanging on the right wall. He didn’t need them to know he looked like shit. Groaning again when he saw his reflection. Hair still tussled with sleep. A small 3 day old beard had formed. Cybernetic eyes still highlighted by dark marks, though less than yesterday. The thing he hated the most however, was the gnarly scars covering his face. The biggest one starting above his left eye, crossing it and touching the side of his nose. Ending on his upper lip. While is healed well it was just big. A second, smaller scar spanning over the outside of his left eye. Lucky he didn’t see the collection of scars over the rest of his body. Mostly located on his arms.

Trying not to dwell on his own reflection. Cypher quickly stripped out of his clothes. Turning on the shower to scalding hot. Quickly scrubbing off all of yesterday’s leftover dirt and sweat. Switching the water to cold before washing his hair.

Taking a moment to breathe deeply under the cold water. Enjoying a minute of tranquility before he had to leave again. Drying himself off with a towel before using a blowdryer on his hair. Knowing from experience that a wet head under his mask was not the best idea. Checking the time again after getting dressed he noticed that it was only 5:17 AM. Still time left before he had to visit Sage. Setting his alarm just in case. 

In the end, it was good that he did. It was easy to lose track of time when being engrossed in his work. It wouldn’t have been the first time that he worked through an entire day. Forgetting everything. While putting everything back in place he just hoped that Sage would not question him too much.

Boy was he wrong

Neatly arriving at the medbay at exactly 10am, Cypher noticed that the door was wide open. Inviting him in. 

‘Just lock the door Cypher. Then take a seat. I’ll be right there with you.”Sage called from elsewhere in the medbay. nor did it take her long to finish what she was doing. Holding paperwork and some basic medical equipment. Placing it all on the desk before sitting on one of the chairs herself.

‘So, Cypher. Care to explain why you didn’t have your monthly check up? Or to be more precise, mess with my documentations?’ She leaned forwards. Hands underneath her chin. Staring directly into cybernetic eyes.

‘You know how it gets. We have all been busy. Why waste time on a basic check up if we have more important matters to attend.’ 

_ At least it sounded believable.  _

Sage sighed before leaning back. If she didn’t believe him she wasn’t showing it. ‘Fine then, take off your jacket, gloves, shoes and mask.’

When Cypher didn’t start undressing, she repeated her request with more urgency before taking notice of shaking hands. Lifting an eyebrow. ‘I know about your scars. Now, undress so we can continue. Like you said, we have all been busy and we should use our time well.’

This remark made Cypher roll his eyes behind his mask, before taking it off. Slowly removing his jacket, gloves and boots as well. Painstakingly slow as to waste as much time as possible. Barely having time to sit up straight before Sage started with her tests. Measuring his blood pressure and blood oxygen levels. Humming softly to herself and swiftly scribbling the results down. Luckily Sage worked fast. Of which he was grateful. Completing a whole set of tests in no time at all. 

‘Okay Cypher. One more test to go. Get on the scale.’

His blood ran cold. It was quite obvious that he lost weight. Probably everyone noticed that. He hadn’t felt like eating for a long time now. Preferably skipping it. If he was completely honest, it was probably 24 hours ago since he last ate. 

Noticing the hesitation, Sage got annoyed. ‘We all noticed your weight loss. Scale! NOW!’

Being busted anyway, Cypher managed to walk to the scale with surprisingly steady feet. Not staring down at the shifting numbers. Not making any eye contact with Sage. Just wanting to get this over with and hide in his workspace or room. He heard her click her tongue.

‘Why aren’t you eating Cypher?’ She didn’t even look at him while scribbeling down the conclusions of the tests. Of this he was grateful. Now having the time to sneak back to his clothes.

‘Can I get dressed now?!’ Annoyance started to appear in his voice. He just wanted to go and be left alone. Tinker away in his workspace or sleep. Anywhere but here.

‘Does it have anything to do with your scars? You know no one will mind them.’

Cypher decided to just not respond. Choosing to get dressed. She said that getting on the scale was the last part of the exam, right? It wasn’t like he was the only one not eating with the rest. Omen, Viper and Reyna never joined with dinner. Even Sage herself preferred to stay in the medbay.

Rising up after tying his shoes only to look directly in Sage’s dark eyes. ‘I know what you are thinking. But from now on, you are eating here, in the medbay, where I can see it.’

‘Are you serious Sage? I am not a little kid who you have to feed.’ No longer bothering to hide his annoyance. He was probably older then her.

‘Maybe you’re not a little kid but the scale does not lie. You are underweight and need to eat more. Either you eat every meal in the medbay or I WILL take the results straight to Brimstone. Your choice.’ 

They kept staring at each other in silence. Cypher knew she wasn’t bluffing. He really would not want to deal with Brimstone. He would have to eat at the medbay and she knew it. 

It was Sage’s comm that broke the silence with the voice of Breach. Voice slightly muffled by the thumping of the helicopter blades and what sounded like Reyna cackling in the background. 

‘Sage, better get the medbay ready. We have injured incoming.’

With Sage distracted, Cypher saw his time to leave. But he did feel her eyes burn into his back. Quickly moving to his workspace. Mood sour and a new headache forming behind his eyes. He did not want to be in the hallways when the helicopter arrived. Meeting people would mean having to talk to them. It was the last thing he wanted right now. Having to get food while the others were there as well would be enough social interaction for today. No finding any relief until he closed the door to his workspace. Maybe a bit of tinkering would provide some distraction.

\--

Lunch came to early. He wasn’t hungry but the threat of facing Brimstone was enough motivation. Already deciding to get lunch on the later side in the hopes that most people would have already left. No such luck though. With the mess hall still brimming with life. His fellow teammates surrounding Raze who was standing on top of one of the tables. Telling the tales of their mission with lots of extra movement. At least she had the decency to not wear her explosives. Proven due to the lack of exploded tables and paint. It wouldn’t have been the first time this happened. 

Jett did notice him though. Asking with a small movement of her head if he wanted to join. He declined with a soft shake of his own. Getting a wink in return. At least Jett never really pushed him. Quickly grabbing a chicken sandwich and a salad for Sage. Vaguely remembering that she is a vegetarian. For… good will.

When opening the medbay he noticed that Sage was working on Omen who looked… unstable but emitting plenty of unhappy growls at everything the medic did. Good to know he wasn’t the only one mad at her today. He never had a problem with Omen being there. Since he knew what was under his hood and all. Knowing some of each other's secrets does help build thrust. Sage looked up briefly from her work. Nodding to her office. ‘I’ll be there soon.’

Sitting down in the office he just removed enough mask for his mouth to be visible. Wanting to get it all over with and eating in a hurry. Sage barging in halfway to check up on him.

‘I better not find any hidden parts of that sandwich!’

She left as soon as she came in. Leaving a confused Cypher to finish his food. Refusing to put the salad in the small fridge, he did grab some of the water in it. Quickly downing it so he could leave. Pulling down his mask before opening the door. Not seeing Sage anywhere in the medbay.

‘Brimstone called her to his office.’ Omen stated with a growl. ‘What did you do to piss her off?’

Cypher chuckled while grabbing a chair. ‘Annoying Sage is not that hard my friend. But what happened to you?’

Omen groaned in annoyance. ‘We were careless and got ambushed. Should have known. It was too quiet.’ Willing himself together with a deep breath before continuing. ‘They were a lot more organised than usually. Actually backing each other up. Trying to pick us off one by one. It was nothing we ever seen before.’

‘How did you get this injured? You’re not known to be reckless.’

‘They targeted Raze. She used her bombs early. They knew she was out. So I was more reckless to try and distract them. It worked…’

‘But at a price. This is not like you know. Helping others.’

‘Normally, no. But I won’t let them take down my family like that.’

Cypher looked down for a moment.  _ Family _ . He wasn’t sure if he could have, would have done the same as Omen did. Maybe for Jett. She was still so young. He gathered his thoughts before asking. ‘How did you get out?’

‘Reyna’s bloodlust. She seemed to go insane. It appeared she had a lot of fun sucking everyone dry.’

‘So that was the cackling I heard when Breach spoke to Sage over the comm.’

They stayed in silence for a moment. Omen’s words kept repeating in his head.  _ Family.  _ He never did see his teammates as family. More like fellow mercenaries. They just had to deal with each other. No where on the contract was there any indication that it had to be personal.

‘Something is bothering you, Cypher.’ 

‘It is nothing to worry about, my friend. I should go back to my workspace. Traps aren’t going to repair themselves you know. And I believe you could use the rest.

Omen released a soft groan. ‘Some rest sounds good.’

Cypher got out of the chair and stretched. Saying his goodbyes and wishing his friend well. He had a lot of things to think about.

\---

Omens release from the medbay the next day was probably the most interesting thing that happened the rest of the week. Brimstone, Breach and Sage had plenty of meetings. Which often meant that Sage would only be in the medbay to check on him for short amounts of time. He still had to be there three times a day. She made sure of that. The times she was there though, he ate in silence. Not responding to any of her questions. He just had to eat there, not have conversations. Though he should have known that she would not give up that easily.

‘So Cypher, I was looking through your files.’

He stopped chewing. Looping up and meeting her eyes dead on. Not liking where this was going.

‘I was interesting in your past.’

Now he really didn’t like where this was going. Not breaking the eye contact he swallowed his food. Staying completely silent and letting his eyes do the talking. Which Sage seemed to completely ignore.

‘There’s some information about you living on the streets, who you worked for before. And it states that you used to be married…’

Cypher slammed the table when he got up. ‘You have no business looking through my personal files!’’

‘Care to tell me more about her?’

‘NO and I HIGHLY suggest you drop the subject!’

He was livid and nearly shouting. Not only did she look though his personal files. Said personal files containing information about his family. If Sage knew, who else had read it.

‘Her name was Nora?’

That’s it. Cypher looked up so fast that it could have caused a whiplash. He was done with her, done with VALORANT. Done with everything. It took everything in his power to not do her any harm right there and then. Damn the consequences.

‘Since it’s still such a touchy subject I would suggest that you speak to someone about it. Help you cope.’

‘I don’t want to talk about it Sage. Now DROP the SUBJECT!’ 

Both were shocked when the door to the office flew open. A shocked Sova entering. ‘Is everything okay here? I heard yelling...Cypher? What are you doing here?

_ Great, could this day get any worse. _

  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is mentioning of suicide this chapter. It is small, but if you wish to not read it, Then please skip the part starting with: Shooting bots did feel good..... until: A sudden hand on his shoulder. For this reason I decided to change the rating to Mature.

Somehow, Cypher managed to get to his room without bumping into anyone. Still being absolutely livid with Sage. While he never expected her to give hive up trying to get him to talk. He never would have imagined that she would sink this low. A headache was now pounding, eyes hurting. No longer able to think straight. Should he stay or leave the foundation? Where would he even go? Maybe it was a smart idea to get some rest first. Get his breathing and mind to calm down. Then it was decision time. He just needed to let his eyes rest a bit.

‘Cypher this is Brimstone, respond.’

It felt like it had been 5 minutes since he closed his eyes. in reality it was several hours. Clock reading 9pm by now. Headache making itself known again with a throb. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone. Still, he reached for his comm to answer to Brimstone. Receiving a simple but clear reply.

‘I need you to come to my office right now.’

No emotion in Brimstones voice. Just like always. It made him hard to read which was something Cypher didn’t like. He never knew if he was in trouble. However, he did drag himself out of bed. You don’t let Brimstone waiting without a damn good reason. Straightening his clothes and putting on his mask. He then hurried to the office.

Cypher barely even got one knock in before the door opened. Brimstone was sitting behind his desk. Hands folded together under his chin. 

‘Glad you could make it so fast. Have a seat.’ 

Brimstone watched as Cypher moved to sit down. Eyes looking at every movement. There didn’t seem to be any hesitation. Yet he was sure that Cypher knew why he was called to office.

‘I heard that there was a confrontation between Sage and you in the medbay. Now, I don’t know the full story before this confrontation nor what was said during it but I do not condone what Sage did.’

Brimstone noticed a small flinch in the Cyphers posture. His hands also started to slightly tremble before composing himself. Whatever was said must have taken a huge toll on the usually stoic man. 

‘I can see that it took a toll on you. However, I must tell you that I have heard more sounds of concerns from your teammates. Also, everyone can see that you don’t feel at home here.’

There was an obvious flinch from the man across him. Followed by a deep breath.

‘Cypher. Do you have any plans of leaving this organisation?’

His question was not met with any answer. Mask making it impossible to read any facial expression. But posture telling an entirely different story. It gave all the answers Brimstone was looking for.

‘I can’t blame you if you do. But, I have to warn you. Since you know much, too much even about the organisation. It would be too much of a risk to let you walk free. If you decide to leave, someone will be send after you to kill you.

‘I understand’

‘Phoenix and Raze organised a movie night for tomorrow as team building. It is mandatory. Starting at 9pm. If you’re not there, I’ll assume that you left the organisation.’

While Cypher did not reply, he did seem to straighten his posture. 

‘I’d hate to see you go. Your mission success rate is perfect. you work well with everyone. But ultimately, the choice is yours.’

‘I will think about it.’ Cypher commented. Getting up from the chair to move back to his room. Feeling Brimstones eyes in his back. He had a lot to think about.

\---

Morning brought rain. Which meant two things. The shooting range would be pretty much abandoned. Secondly, Phoenix would be complaining all day about the weather. Which was rather funny, considering he originated from the United Kingdom. Cypher figured he still had a lot to think about. Maybe shooting some bots would do the trick to clear his head.

Shooting bots did feel good. Getting rid of some leftover frustration from the previous day. Making him able to think more clearly. While he didn’t see his teammates as family. They weren’t all that bad. Annoying from time to time, yes. Being quite sure they thought the same about him. Sure there was the fight with Sage the previous night. Deep down he knew she had her heart in the right place. Everyone had different cultural origins. It was bound to clash every so now and then due to communication errors.

Taking another round of shots, all of them hitting their target with ease. Sure, being with the Valorant organisation meant he would be risking his life. Yet he would do the same while living on the streets. Home being destroyed with the events of First Light. At Least here he would not need to search for food or go to underground doctors to get back to health. The outlook of being hunted down and killed if he left didn’t look that appealing if he was completely honest. 

Swiftly reloading before shooting another round with his ghost. Focussing on targets that were further away. Aim becoming less when the intrusive thoughts returned.They would never accept him as family anyway. He was too different. Death would also mean he could be with Nora again. Maybe his childhood friends would be there as well. How hard would it be. He was holding a gun this very moment. Heavier guns at the tips of his fingers. Ending it all would be a breeze. 

A sudden hand on his shoulder got him to snap out of it. Turning his head to stare into one blue, one brown eye. Blonde hair and clothes wet from the rain. 

‘Are you okay Cypher? You are shaking. Are you cold?’

It had started to rain even harder. Making it pretty cold in the shooting range. Only now realising that yes, he was pretty cold. Having no clue of the current time. Who knows how long he had been using the range now. 

‘I am a bit cold yes. But please tell me, Sova. Why did you brave the rain to come here?’

Sova let out a laugh. “It is only water. Nothing compared to the Siberian winters. But I am here to tell you that Raze, Jett and Phoenix will be out soon.’

‘Wait, Phoenix going outside? In the rain?’Cypher raised an eyebrow behind his mask. Phoenix would never voluntarily go out in this downpour. Even if necessary he would complain the entire way.

‘I’m quite sure Phoenix won’t come out voluntarily. I figured you would rather not be a referee to a shouting match.’ Sova said with a small chuckle. ‘But, I also wondered if you would like to join for lunch. I made Borscht. Recipe of my babushka.’

Was is past noon already? If Cypher was completely honest, he was quite hungry. Some soup would do wonders to warm him back up as well. Sova had seen him without his mask. Maybe if h felt really uncomfortable he could ask to take it back to his room.

‘Sure i’ll join you.

‘Wonderful!’ Sova said with a smile. ‘Let’s go then.’

\---

the walk to the mess hall was quit. Only bumping into Viper. Who was carrying books to her lab and not in the mood to talk. Passing each other while giving a respectful nod being enough communication.

Deciding to sit in the kitchen. Having less chance of someone walking in on them. Sova ushering Cypher to take a seat while he worked on setting the table and warming up the soup.

Watching Sova work proved to be quite comforting. The blonde softly humming to himself while setting up plates and utensils. Alternating with stirring the soup. Filling up two bowls when he deemed the soup warm enough.Placing one in front of Cypher with a soft smile.

‘Hope you like it.’ 

The food smelled amazing. Lifting up his mask over his mouth and nose after a small hesitation. Relieved that no response came from the other man. Trying a bite of his food.

‘This is delicious!’

‘I’m glad you like it.’ Sova noted with a soft smile. ‘Babushka has the best recipes.’

Together they ate in silence. Cypher completely focussed on this food. Enjoying the new taste. It did a good job of warming him up as well. Sova, on the other hand. Was trying not to stare.. Having accepted that he had a thing for the Moroccan some time ago. It pained him to see the sadness in Cyphers posture. Noticing it more often lately. Not knowing how to give comfort. The other preferring to be alone. Having heard the shouting yesterday when walking past the medbay. Instantly recognising who the voice belonged to. The intense emotion in Cyphers voice causing his own heart to break. He wasn’t prepared to see him without his mask when storming in. Which had resulted into more surprise than originally planned. It pained him to see Cypher storm off. But not before getting a good look at the amount of pain in cybernetic eyes. Torn between running after Cypher or comfort the near crying Sage.

In the end he stayed to confort Sage. Thinking that Cypher would have preferred to be alone. Though she refused to tell what had happened. At night it kept Sova awake. Unable to forget the sad look in Cyphers eyes. Even though they were cybernetic, they contained so much emotion. He wanted to see the other happy. To see him smile, hold him, caress the scars on his face. _Sova?._ Even hearing his own name sounded amazing.

‘Sova?’

A soft push against his shoulder got him back to the here and now.

‘Are you okay?You were zoning out.’

‘Ah yes. I am fine. Just a bit tired. Had some troubles catching sleep last night.’ Sova noted with a soft smile. Being rather disappointed that the other had pulled his mask back down.

‘Get some rest then. I will clean up here.’

‘Oh no Cypher, do not worry. I can help with the cleaning up. There is still plenty of time until 9pm to rest. Or maybe just sleep during the movies. Knowing Raze and Phoenix it’s either an action movie with a lot of explosions or an old horror movie.’ 

Cleanup happened fast and in silence. Both walking back to their rooms. Cypher thanking Sova once again for the food before disappearing into his room. Crashing down on his bed and groaning. He did enjoy his time with Sova more than originally expected. Being quite sure that the feeling was mutual. Sitting back up he took his mask off. Rubbing his eyes before looking for some paper and a pen. He had a tough decision to make.

The end result was quite clear. The pros and cons of staying outweighing the pros and cons of leaving. While he didn’t feel like going to the movie night, he knew he had to go. Brimstone wanted to see him there if he decided to stay. Jett, Omen and Sova would be there as well. Maybe it was possible to just chat with them all night. Or, like Sova said, just fall asleep during the movies. Staring at the clock he noticed it was only 4pm. Setting his alarm at 8pm. Four hours of sleep, take a shower, survive movie night. Sounds like a plan.

Sleep came fast. The eight pm alarm even faster. Dragging himself out of bed and into the showers. Checking to see if he was alone before deliberately setting the water to cold in order to wake up. Forehead resting against the shower wall. 

Getting out of the shower all clean and blow drying his hair. Deciding to trim his facial hair while at it before putting his mask back on. Deciding on some casual wear.

Eventually reaching the recreational room at 8:55pm. Relieved the wasn’t the first one there. A very happy Raze near instantly got into his face.

‘Cypher my man!’She nearly yelled. ‘What kind of movie do you want to see first? Horror or EXplosions!’

‘I don’t care.’

‘PHOENIX!’ she yelled like the Brit was on the other side of the facility. In reality he was only a few meters behind her. ‘Cy said I don’t care! That’s a plus for explosions.’

Luckily Raze quickly left to bother other people. Leaving him to look around the room. Making eye contact with Brimstone who looked relieved. A quick nod was all the communication they needed. Noticing Omen sitting in a nook with a book and a drink. Swiftly moving towards him and greeting casually.

‘How are you feeling Omen? Did your past injuries completely heal?’

‘They did. Everything is well. not so sure about this movie night though.’ 

Cypher let out a chuckle. ‘I feel your pain, my friend.’

Both men chatted away about nothing in particular. Watching as more people come in and near instantly get a face full or Raze. Viper was smart enough to bring earbuds and stuff to tinker with. Picking a table in the far corner. Reyna was wearing earbuds as well. Lying on a couch with her eyes closed. Ignoring everyone and everything. Brimstone, Breach and Sage were chatting softly. 

When Jett came in she had to restrain herself from not flying in Cyphers arms. Sova had to lead her towards the couch to pick a good spot in order to distract her.

‘Okay lads and lasses.’ Phoenix beamed. ‘Welcome to the first ever movie night. You all voted for an action movie first, after that it’s a good old classic horror. We got food, we got drinks. Help yourself and let’s have some fun!’

Everyone took a place near the tv. Raze turned on the movie. Jett happily patting a spot on the couch which she saved just for him. Right between her and Sova. Only to realise it was a tight fit. Leaving him pressed flush against Sova. Getting pushed against him more when Raze cheered with each explosion. 

Personally, Cypher didn’t care much about the movie. Jett seemed to have fun. Sova didn’t seem to mind that they were sitting this close. Though he didn’t expect him to suddenly whisper in his ear. Causing a shiver to go through his spine.

‘Do you want to play a card game?’

Cypher nodded. Slumping to the side when Sova got up from the couch. Producing a deck of cards from one of his pockets. Jett gave him a quick elbow before he got up. Followed by a wink and a smile. He didn’t know what she meant with it. Joining Sova at the table instead of asking. 

‘Do you have a a game in mind?’

‘Well, I do not know many card games.’ Sova had started shuffling the cards. ‘But back in Russia, we often played a game called 1000.’ 

‘Never heard of it. Care to explain the rules?’

‘Of course I can. It is actually quite easy.’

In the end, Sova gave up after three games of straight losses. Bad losses to be precise. Realised that Cypher would have no problem learning the game. but no taking into account the sneakiness of his playstyle. Being pretty sure that there would have been a pokerface even without the mask. 

‘I admit defeat. Well played.’ 

Cypher accepted the handshake with a good game of his own. Stretching before looking around the room. Noting that Viper, Reyna and Omen had left. Breach and Sage had joined Brimstone again to chat at one of the tables. By now the action movie was over and a classical horror movie was playing. Raze seemed rather bored. Phoenix was hugging a pillow and Jett looked near asleep. 

Taking a seat back on the couch, which had now more space since others left, Jett started to use him as a pillow. Sova sitting down on his other side. Maybe a bit closer than necessary. Not really paying attention to the movie. instead just mindlessly moving his fingers through Jetts hair.

The movie ended about an hour later. Jett fast asleep by now. Sova was leaning against his other shoulder. Cypher stretched with a groan. Trying to wake up his sore muscles. The movement waking up Sova who promptly sat up straight. 

‘I don’t know about you, Sova. But I am taking Jett to het bed and get some sleep myself.’

‘Da! I will carry Jett.’ Sova stood up quickly. Gently lifting up Jett who luckily kept on sleeping. Head now resting against a broad shoulder. 

Both men swiftly said their goodbyes to the people still awake. Quietly taking their not to wake up other sleeping people. Walking through the halls in a comfortable silence. It didn’t take them long before they reached Jett’s room. Which Cypher quickly opened so Sova could place her on her bed. Removing her shoes before covering her sleeping frame with a blanket.

Both men quickly exited the room to head to their own. Bidding each other a goodnight before going their separate way. 

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for not responding to the comments. But please do know I REALLY appreaciate each and every single one of them. They really manage to brighten my days.   
> So, this took forever and I'm sorry for that. I will spare you all the excuses but one. I have rewritten the first part so many times. Even though it was one of the first scenes in my head while coming up with this story it just didn't come out the way I wanted. I'm still not happy with it if i'm completely honest. Also, this chapter was planned to be a lot longer but I was afraid it would become to long.

Chapter 4

Only a few days after movie night, the call the come to office arrive. A new mission. One with mixed feelings. Having to go back to Bind. His old home in Morocco. Revisiting the ghosts of his past. But maybe with some luck, he could visit Nora again. It had been to long. Cypher was happy that he was paired with Jett again. Their teamwork would be on point. Just like usual. Together with Viper, Raze and Brimstone they had to defend his old home. Kill the enemy clones and secure the bomb. 

They would be leaving the next day. Giving everyone the time to relax and visit the range. Cypher himself preferred the last spot. Less distractions and no one would care if he would use the range for longer. Watching Jett skilfully throwing her knives on target. Seemingly without any effort. Moving around swiftly with her wind powers. Which also provided a pleasant breeze. Switching spots after and hour so Jett could relax. Chatting away between rounds. Though she left after a minute of twenty in order to take a shower and get some food. promising to save him a plate.

This left Cypher alone on the range. The sounds of shots breaking the silence. Not noticing that the sun was starting to set. It was easy to lose track of the time when all alone at the range. Only noticing the time when the automatic light inside the range sprang on. At that time Cypher also noticed that he wasn’t as alone as he thought. Annoyed by the fact that someone managed to sneak up on him. 

‘When were you going to tell me that you are watching, Sova?’

‘And here I thought you were ignoring me.’ Sova replied bemusing. ‘But, I have not been here for very long. Jett told me to bring you your food. You might want to eat it before it gets cold.’

Cypher just hummed in response. Shooting one last round before putting his guns away. Making sure everything was in the right place before turning to Sova. Taking a seat next to the blonde archer. Accepting the warm bowl of food with a soft thank you. Noticing it was pasta. Not his favorite but still hungry enough to raise his mask and dig in.

‘Is it okay that I use the range to shoot some arrows while you eat?’

Cypher nodded a quick okay. Taking another bite of his food. Cybernetic eyes watching as Sova got in position. Placing an arrow in his bow. Pulling the bowstring back with practiced ease. Taking the time to aim. Breathing easily but only holding his breath for a moment before releasing the bowstring. Hitting his target cleanly in the head. Slowly lowering the bow before grabbing a new arrow. Starting the whole sequence of preparation again. Everything just seemed so easy. Sova made it look easy. It was nice to watch the other work. Slowly finishing his meal in silence. Which Sova eventually broke.

‘Have you ever shot an arrow?’

‘I can’t say that I have….’

‘Would you like to give it a try? I can teach you if you’d like.’

Cypher shrugged. Nothing wrong with trying. It’s not like the other would make fun of him failing. Putting away the bowl and utensils before getting up. Accepting the bow with both hands. 

‘Okay, since you are right handed, hold the bow in your left hand. Just relax. I will help you click the arrow in place.’

Cypher said nothing. Taking in all the details on how to place the arrow and how to hold the string with his fingers. Carefully placing them. One above the arrow and two below. Careful not to move to much. 

‘Now, stretch your left arm. Then pull back the string as far as possible. Try try and touch your face, just next to your lips.’

Sova watched as Cypher lifted the bow and made an attempt to draw back the bowstring as far as possible. Not able to reach his face. Both arms started to tremble due to the strain. Deciding to help the other by wrapping his left hand around Cypher’s left wrist. Stabilising the bow.

‘Relax Cypher. Don’t strain yourself.’ Wrapping his right hand around the others right wrist. Helping him pull back to bowstring towards his face and correcting the posture. Repressing the urge to caress the others face. ‘Try to relax your shoulders.’

The extra support did help. Making it easier to relax. Waiting for the next instructions gave him the time to revel in the warmth of Sova’s hands. Burning though his clothes. It was nice, if he was honest with himself. It gave a sense of security and stability. Realising it was something he lacked in his life. 

‘Once you have found your focus, just relax the fingers from your right hand.’

It sounded easy enough. Focussing on the chest of the training dummy. A nice big area. Harder to miss. Relaxing his fingers was the next step. The bow string laughing the arrow forwards. Hitting the target lower than expecting. But still happy that he actually managed to hit something. Noticing that the other was still holding both his wrists. Though not as firmly anymore.

‘Well done Cypher!’ A smile was heard in Sova’s voice. 

‘I was aiming for the center of the chest tough.’

‘That’s okay. It was still a good shot. Want to try again?’

‘Sure’

Again Sova helped with preparing the arrow. Though letting Cypher do the most work. Raising the bow again while getting his wrist stabilised before pulling back the bowstring. However the Russian let go of his left wrist. placing the hand on his abdomen. ‘Try to flex your core a bit more.’

Why did this cause Cypher’s heart to flutter. It was just a hand. It was just to help him aim better. The hand on his abdomen was still so warm. It was distracting. Mixed feelings on whether he wanted the hand to stay, or push it away. Maybe it was just friendly. Yet if he thought about it, the amount lingering touches, could it mean more? What would Nora think. Why did it feel like betraying her. Betraying his family.

‘Is something bothering you? You’ve tensed up.’

Cypher relaxed the bowstring and lowered the bow before turning to Sova. Placing the bow in his hands. ‘I… should rest. We are leaving early tomorrow.’ It was an obvious bad lie. Sova must have known as well. Yet he saw concern in the mismatched eyes. Which in all honesty, made him feel quite bad about himself. 

‘You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow. Should I walk you back to your room?’

‘Nono it’s fine. Besides, I stole your practice time on the range.’ Making an attempt to walk slowly backwards. Leaving the other at the range. 

‘Don’t worry about it Cypher. Hope you rest well. Good luck with the gym tomorrow.’ Sova noted as he watched the other back up. ‘Oh and Cypher?’ Stopping the other dead in his tracks with those words.

‘If you need help with something come find me okay.’

A quick nod in return with a muffled yeah. Sova watched as Cypher grabbed the foodbowl and made his way back inside. As much as he loved the closeness, something felt off. 

\--

Cypher let himself drop on his bed. Breathing deeply through his nose to try and calm himself. They were just friend rights. Nothing more. It couldn’t be more. Yes he had to admit that Sova was insanely nice. But he was like that to everyone. Then again, he did look good as well. Never hiding his bisexual nature. Nora knew this and was fine with it. 

Thinking back he did realise that Sova hung out with him a lot lately. Hands that tended to linger whenever they touched. It happened to often to be just accidental. Would he even be open for a new relationship. Would Nora agree to one. They made a promise when they got married. And while yes, she passed away it just didn’t feel right.

Luckily he would be in Morocco tomorrow.

Tomorrow, he could ask her.

\--

While he slept pretty well and the flight to Morocco was uneventful. So was the mission. He was crouched in his snipers nest. Staring into the distance. However there was no movement in his scope. No movement on his wires and no movement on his camera. Even Jett checked the perimeter multiple times with no luck. To her annoyance.

‘Oh my GOD! Where are they?!’ Cypher actually lost count how many times she had asked this in the past 10 minutes. ‘Are you sure you don’t see them Cy? Can’t you find them?’

‘You know I need a corpse for this, Jett. Give me a corpse and I will give you their locations.’

Another groan emerged from Jett. A, ‘They’d better not the be killing them without me on the other side.’ was vaguely heard between her grumbling in Korean. Probably containing a ton of swears. 

‘Did you hear any explosions then?’

‘...No...’

‘Then they aren’t on the other side.’ Cypher noted with a shrug. Quickly checking his camera to get an all clear before stretching. Making sure that bloodflow returned to all his limbs. Crouching in the blistering heat for over 5 hours couldn’t be good. 

Jett just kept on rumbling in a mix between English and Korean. ‘I mean, the clones are never this late. They were never that fast to begin with. What if the old man's intel is wrong. I swear if I lose this bet because of wrong intel I’m gonna….’

Just the slightest movement in the corner of his eyes made Cypher grab his operator in order to stare through the scope. Jett cutting her sentence short to quickly grab her gun. Waiting for more information to chase after the clones. Yet after 10 minutes of no movement he decided to lower his scope. It wasn’t the wind. They were there. Waiting for an unknown reason. 

‘Should I do another perimeter check?’ Jett softly spoke through her comm. 

‘Don’t stray far and keep your gun ready. They are here. Somewhere. But they are definitely here.’

A soft confirmation was all he got before she ran off. Gun ready. Slowing down near the garden area. Looking for footsteps left in the sand. Not finding any new sets, she wondered what exactly Cypher saw. Skillfully moving past corners and checking if everything was still secure. 

Cypher just had a bad feeling. Staring between the buildings in order to cover Jett when he noticed he was staring in the wrong direction. The slightest of movements made him look up just as no other a clone of himself shot his operator right at him. Only reflexes saved him from a direct kill. However the bullet managed to graze his arm. Adrenalin cause him to grab his comm to tell Jett to look up. her reflexes fast enough to dash to the top of the garden area and take down the clone Cypher before he could finish reloading. 

She stared at her comrade who grabbed his arm in pain. Blood staining the white clothes dark red. She saw him struggle to lift his operator back up. Aiming at a spot next to her before shooting. She turned around just before the bullet hit it’s target. Standing face to face with a clone Phoenix who dashed out with his dagger drawn. Ready to kill her. Out of sheer adrenaline Jett jumped down and tried to dash to safety. Only to fail the landing. Twisting her left ankle and falling to the sand. She did manage to crawl to the relative safety to hide inside leftover Kingdom equipment. Stabbing pain making it very clear that walking, let alone running was out of the question. If there were more enemies, they could easily overrun the both of them. 

The sound of particles landing made her take a peek outside. Parts of Vipers wall, which near instantly created a vision black for any remaining clones. Backup must have been called already. The enemy clones decided it was time to just spray the wall. Multiple bullets breaking through the thin wall of the old Kingdom equipment. Some barely missing and others grazing Jett. It was nothing short of a miracle that none of them got a direct hit before they stopped to reload. 

Just when it could not be that much longer until Viper had to drop her wall and give the clones their vision back. Cypher joined her in her hiding spot. Holding firmly onto his ghost. ‘Let’s both take one side. They don’t know where we are. That should be our advantage.’ 

Jett swiftly got in position. Both sitting near back to back when they saw the wall drop. Only to notice that Brimstone dropped his smokes as well. He probably did while the enemies were emptying their clips. Giving their allies more time to safely rotate towards them. Viper called her wall back up before more smoke started to go come their way. Both recognising it as Viper’s pit. A lovely ball of poison with minimal vision for everyone but Viper herself. Causing both Jett and Cypher to cough a few times while the poison entered their lungs. 

‘Jett we have to move before they start shooting at the poison.’ Cypher stated between coughs. ‘Can you walk?’ 

‘I don’t think I can Cy. this is bad.’

‘Then get on my back.’ Cypher dragged Jett out of their shared hiding spot. Crouching so she could get on his back. Viper arrived at the same time to check the cloud for enemy movement. Telling them to hurry up already.

‘Your arm. You’ve been shot.’ Jett stated after she managed to get on Cyphers back. 

‘That’s why you are going to be my gun. We’ll get out of here, together.’ 

Quickly they moved towards the old Kingdom building. With Jett reading her gun so she could shoot whoever they would meet when exiting the poison cloud. Nearly shooting brimstone on sight. The same Brimstone who yelled at them for their recklessness. 

‘Just, stay here. There should be only two clones left. We know where they are and Raze is flanking them. She wanted to… blom em up.’

Right on que a loud explosion hit a structure outside. An overly loud and happy Raze yelling that she obliterated the last two clones. Ranting on how amazing the explosion was before Brimstone interrupted her. 

‘Cypher, make sure that there are no clones left.’ 

Cypher nodded before hurrying outside. Jett still seated on his back. Gun at the ready just in case. Find a corpse so he could check if there was anyone left. Luckily the area was all clear. They finished their mission and they could take back a bomb for research. much to Raze’s delight. 

While Jett and Raze were celebrating, Cypher took the time to look around. Eyes widening when he noticed that Raze’s bazooka didn’t only take down the two remaining enemies. But also destroyed most of the garden area. Making it impossible for him to visit Nora. Making it impossible to talk to her. Near instantly a headache hit both his temples. 

He felt Jett wrap her arms around him harder. Bringing him back to the here and now. ‘Cy, are you okay?’ She whispered in his ear. ‘You’re tensing up.’ 

He took a few deep breaths before replying. ‘Yes, yes I am fine. Let's go back home so Sage can fix your ankle.’ 

‘I’m sorry that you can’t do the thing.’

There was nothing he could do. Nora would understand that, right. It would be okay. Right now there were other priorities. He could always visit next time. It would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: the last time I shot a bow and arrow was a long long LONG time ago. Please don't use this as a guide to shoot a bow and arrow.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes i'm still alive. Just busy. Thank you all for the lovely comments! They have really made me smile and made my day.

Chapter 5

It’s okay.

Those words kept repeating in his head. Easily drowning out the voices of his teammates. Jett was leaning against his left side. Leg lifted to try and keep it elevated. Wiggling her toes after Viper forced her to take her shoe off. Which was met with some very loud -too loud- complaints from the assassin. Eventually the squirming and complaints stopped after some well placed threats. Something about either removing the shoe or cutting off her foot as a whole.

It’s okay.

Raze just kept staring between Jett and him. No clue on why but it did seem like she wanted to say something. There was another set of staring eyes. This pair belongs to Viper. He knew that she knew something was up. Thankfully she wasn’t the one to pry. A swift glance to his bloody sleeve was all she needed to do. Cypher just shrugged in response. His arm seemed to have stopped bleeding some time ago. Though it did still sting a bit. Luckily, Viper accepted his answer before she closed her eyes.

It’s okay.

He honestly couldn’t remember if he ever saw Nora mad. Upset, yet. Especially if he got in trouble and she had to bail him out. Even why he tried to hide it. Though he was sure that Nora knew of all his antics. While he did promise to visit her grave, she would understand that he was not able to today. She wouldn’t be angry or upset. She would understand and wait. Right?

It seems like time flies when you’re having a discussion with yourself. A firm hand on his shoulder pushed away the voices. Bringing Cypher back to the here and now with a sharp inhale. It seemed like they had landed some time ago. Raze and Viper had already left.

‘Go see Sage for your arm.’ Brimstone noted. ‘I’ll take Jett to see her as well.’

Cypher stood up quietly. Nodding to Brimstone in understandment. Not really listening to Jett starting to complain once again. This time about her inability to walk. 

The base was eerily quiet for the time of the day. Phoenix was notably absent. Normally when Raze and Phoenix would see each other after a mission, they would tell eachother everything loud enough that probably even the inhabitants of Venice below would be able to listen in. Probably Brimstone mentioned where they were. Probably on a mission. Or they finally got sick and tired of each other and left. Oh well. It would mean that no one would bother him about his arm.

The medbay door was open. Sage was probably expecting him. Sighing to himself before entering. It was only for his arm. Nothing else.  
‘Please enter, Cypher.’ Sage noted to him. Setting up the equipment she assumed she would need. ‘Brimstone told me what happened.’

Of course she was briefed. A normal procedure after someone was injured. ‘I don’t believe it is serious. It probably stopped bleeding by now.’ Cypher said while removing his jacked and sleeved shirt. Taking a quick peek at his bloody arm. At Least it didn’t look like it was still bleeding. Sitting down while watching Sage finish her setup. Hissing when she decided to clean his wound with alcohol without any warning.

‘You’ve been very lucky that the bullet only grazed you.’ Sage noted while observing the, now bleeding again wound. ‘It is not that deep. If there is any scarring, it would be minimal.’ 

Scarring was the last thing on Cyphers mind. Even without the ones on his face he had plenty of them all over his body. Many of them which were there even before the events of First Light. The actual healing went fast. It was effective. Even if it did give an odd mixture of warmth and tingling feelings while the skin mended himself. Still, it felt a whole lot better then Viper’s nanobots. 

‘Cypher, do you still have a moment? I would like to talk to you about something.’

Shit

He knew what it was about. The air around him fills with dread. It could only be about one thing.

‘I would like to apologise for my behaviour the last time we met.’

This was the last thing Cypher expected. Quickly looking up. Instantly regretting the speed of which he did that. It showed his surprise. Luckily Sage herself was still focussed on the wound. Only looking up when she felt Cypher's eyes on her. 

‘I overstepped your boundaries and made you very uncomfortable. I hope you can forgive me.’

Truth is, while it did really hurt what she had said that day. Cypher had already forgiven her. Blaming her behaviour on different cultural backgrounds. However they did need each other. Though they did not need to be friends. 

‘It’s okay. I forgive you.’

Near instantly he heard a soft sigh of relief. The air around them relaxes. Sage lifted her hand from his arm to inspect the wound before deeming it healed enough. 

‘Thank you, Cypher. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to find me for help. Now, if you don’t mind. I Will be seeing Jett now.’

She placed her hand on his shoulder while getting up, Giving him a soft smile before washing her hands and leaving to see Jett. Leaving Cypher behind with his thoughts. 

It’s okay

Today wasn’t that bad. Taking a good look at his arm, seeing that it healed well nicely. Sage apologised for prying. Everyone returned safely to the base. So why was there still a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

Sighing before getting up and redressing. A shower would be in order to clean off the leftover blood and grime. Maybe the hot water would do a good job of helping him clear his mind. Luckily for him Sage was treating Jett behind a screen. Which was the perfect excuse to leave as silently as possible. 

\---

The sound of falling water was nice. Loud enough to drown out the voices of dread. Turning the heat as high as he could stand in order to scrub off the grime. Causing his skin to tingle. Taking a few more deep breaths before turning off the water. Voices returning as soon as the last of the water stopped hitting the floor. 

You betrayed her

He had to keep going on. He had a job to do. Fixing his gear for starters. Something to focus on. Anything to keep his mind busy. Preferably without anyone of this team around. Just until he got his mind back in the game. 

You weren’t there for her

It had been impossible to go up. Impossible to visit. There were people injured. there was no time. The entrance was destroyed. Nora was a smart woman. She would have understood that there was no way. He had wanted to see her. He really wanted to see. So far he had managed to visit every. Single. Time. 

At Least that managed to shut up his inner voice. For now. Using the precious silence to finish freshen up before rushing to his workshop. Where he knew he would be safe from prying eyes. Everyone knew not to bother him while working. 

\---

Fixing his gear kept his mind nice and busy. Turning the voice in his head to a soft buzz. Something he was used to. It was relaxing in some way. Just keep working. No distractions. A good way to lose track of time. At least until someone had the audacity to bother him by knocking on his door. Loudly. It caused Cypher to jolt up from his work. Nearly destroying some important parts of his equipment. Swearing to himself before opening the door. Staring down at a now startled Jett. Who didn’t expect the door to open so suddenly and reveal an angry teammate. 

‘We… missed you at dinner so I brought you food.’ She was quick to recover her stance. Pushing a bowl of piping hot food in his hands. ‘And, since I didn’t see you at all in the medbay, I wanted to show you that my ankle is all better again.’

‘And Sage allowed you to do everything?’

‘Of course not! But what she doesn't know….’ A wink and a smile. She knew that the other wouldn’t tell on her. ‘She said, something something, take it easy. Me? Taking it easy? That’s an insult!’ Showing off some hops on one foot to prove her point, 

‘Are you okay Cy?’ Jett’s tone much more serious now. Staring directly at him. Trying to find any hint of emotion. 

‘My arm is fine.’

‘You know I’m not talking about your arm. I’m talking about you. You’ve been distant.’

‘I’m fine, Jett. You do not need to worry about me. now, if you don’t mind. I’d like to get back to my projects.’ Closing the door before the other could reply. As much as he loved Jett, he didn’t feel like talking about his emotions. Not to her, or to anyone. 

Sighing, he placed the food to the side. Not hungry to begin with. The problem wasn’t Jett showing up. It was that he lost his focus. And now the voices were back to bother him.

You betrayed her  
You killed her  
You never deserved her

The last one hurt the most. It was true. Nora was amazing. Kind, beautiful, smart. He never figured out why she fell for a streetrat like him. She saved his life. Pulled him out of a bad place and forgave him for everything. That’s how amazing she was. their years together had been the best of his life. 

No thanks to you

Yes he made mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Nora forgave them all.

You’re a failure

Cypher slid to the floor. Removing his mask so he could cradle his face in his hands. Tears falling. It’s true. He was- is a failure. He failed to make his parents proud. Failed his friends. Failed to protect his wife. 

Just kill yourself.

This made him grip his hair. Hard. ‘Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!’ The voices were right though. He had this conversation thousands of time. If he were to do it, he might finally be less of a failure. And he could see Nora again. They could finally be a family again. Closing his eyes in exhaustion before the final words spilled from his lips. ‘Nora, please help me.’

\---

Jett was worried. Worried for her friend, for her family. She had left food outside the door of Cyphers workshop three times a day. Knocking so he knew she was there. yet she also had to remove the same plate of food, untouched, three times a day. Refusing to take the matter to Brimstone just yet, she was waiting for her plan B to arrive. Sova should be in debriefing and released soon. She had texted her worries and he promised to help. Meeting her at her room.

It felt like hours before she finally heard knocking on the door. Dragging the other inside as soon as the door opened enough. Closing it again in a hurry. Throwing the blonde archer to sit on her bed. For easier talking.

‘Sit down and shut up. We have a problem.’

Sova just kept quiet. Staring at the other who was making a ton of extra arm movements to show that it was serious. 

‘Something is wrong with Cypher. He locked himself in his workshop. He’s not eating and not talking to anyone. I’m worried Sova.’

‘Did something else happen in Morocco? Next to all the things you told me.’

‘Well, normally if we’re there he goes God knows where after the mission. We’re never allowed to join him anyway. Last mission however, he didn’t go. He’s been acting so distant ever since.’

‘Hmm’ Sova thought for a moment. ‘That does sound worrying.’

“I know right! He’s been ignoring my messages and comm calls. Maybe you can get him to open up.’

‘Let’s get going then.’ Sova got up from the bed. Grabbing Jett in a tight hug. ‘Cypher needs our help.’

Both arrived at Cyphers workshop in a matter of minutes. Jett quickly pounding loudly on the door. Staring at Sova while moving her and to the door in a -see- movement. Sova was the next one to pound on the door. Placing his ear against the door next. Trying to hear something.

‘I’m not hearing anything.’

This made Jett huff while crossing her arms in front of her chest. Staring at the ground. ‘I’m worried.’

‘How about this. We keep an eye on the door today. If he hasn’t left by noon tomorrow, we force open the door.’ Sova placed his hand on Jetts shoulder to try and comfort her. It did make her look up. ‘Or we inform Brimstone so he can open the door. I do not think it is a smart idea to use Raze’s bombs indoors. Again.’

At Least that got a laugh out of Jett.

\---

The next day brought three people to the workshops door. After staying up all night without seeing Cypher once, they decided to bring brimstone into the mix. Persuading him to override the lock and open the door. Trying to wait patiently while their captain was punching in the key. Yes it was a violation of privacy but they just had to be sure.It seemed to take forever before the door finally opened. Jett pretty much pushed everyone aside. Dashing into a very empty workshop. 

‘Well.’ Brimstone's gruff voice boomed. ‘Cypher is not here.’

‘He’s not here….’ Jett just responded. ‘Then where the hell is he?!’ Turning on her heels and getting in Brimstone’s face. Who did not seem very impressed at the smaller assassins attempt to be intimidating. 

‘Wherever he is, it’s not here. You know Cypher likes to be on his own.’

‘I KNOW old man. We all know. But normally he doesn’t flat out ignore everyone for days.’ When Jett didn’t get anything more than a raised eyebrow she just rolled her eyes with a loud groan. Pushing Brimstone aside to grab Sova’s arm. Dragging the blonde after her. Grumbling loudly in Korean. 

Sova had opted to stay silent. At least until they were out of earshot. ‘Now what do we do?’

‘WE need to find Cypher.’

‘I get that. But where to next?’

‘We will go to his room first. I will take the blame for breaking open the door. But if he’s not there…’

‘We will find him, Jett. Even if we have to turn the entire base upside down.’


	6. Chapter 6

For Cypher, life currently was nothing short of bad. Sleep was riddled with nightmares which started as soon as he closed his eyes. Yet as soon as his eyes were open the voices came back. It was exhausting. Things that normally helped as a distraction were doing nothing. His stomach was rumbling in protest. Yet he just couldn’t eat. He couldn’t risk having to interact with his teammates. Maybe, just maybe a hot shower would help. It’s not like it would be that hard to stay awake until way after midnight. 

The bright lights of the showers did hurt his eyes. Adding in the steam from the shower made it even worse. Yet he couldn’t close his eyes to give them some rest. In fear of falling asleep. Turning the shower to as hot as his skin could possibly take. Hissing as soon as the water hit his back. Taking a few deep breaths to try and relax. The water did feel good. Even if it was making his skin sore and dry. 

Finally it seemed like the water was drowning out the voices in his head to a whisper. At Least for now. It might give a moment to take care of himself. Even if only for a moment. 

Sleep made his movements sluggish. The warm water made it even more. He was just so tired. Nora would always usher him to bed in time. And if he had trouble sleeping, she would comb her fingers through his hair while softly humming. In the morning he would always feel more refreshed than other nights. 

_ ‘Keep it together Aamir.’ _

Tears started to form in his eyes while the whispers grew louder. Again. Luckily the water was still running and warm. He just needed to take some deep breaths and try to relax. It would all be okay. Even when the water inevitably turned cold, Cypher didn’t want to leave. Not wanting to go back to reality. Yet, eventually he really had to move out from underneath the cold water. 

Maybe he should take care of himself. Nora always loved it when he did. She loved touching his face afterwards. Likewise, she loved to nag him if he forgot. It might even made him feel a bit better if he did. It’s not like it was a lot of work. 

Sadly the mirror wasn’t fogged up enough. Cypher still got a good look at his own face. The skin around his eyes was dark due to the lack of sleep. Even darker than normally. It made his blue eyes pop out even more. His cheeks made it obvious that he lost weight. Wild and unkempt hair completed the hobo look. What would Nora think of him now?

With shaking hands Cypher decided to try and trim. Even just a bit. He was willing to try everything to just calm his mind. 

‘ _ Deep breaths. Relax. You got this. Slow and steady.’ _

It did seem to do the trick. Pausing every few seconds to take a few moments to relax before going back to work. It seemed to go better than expected. And it even did the job of muting the voices in his head. Bringing them down to a soft murmur. At least until he nicked his skin, causing him to instantly drop the blade. It wasn’t even bad. There was no blood and no slice to be seen. Just the slightest amount of pain. However, it was enough for the voices to come back in full force.

_ ‘You’re a failure.’ _

_ ‘You can’t do anything right.’ _

_ ‘You deserve all this misery.’ _

Cypher crashed to the floor sobbing. Hands cradling his face. Nails digging in his skin.

‘Please, no more. I can’t handle this anymore.’ He whimpered. ‘Please make it stop.’

Eventually the sobbing stopped after an unknown time. Almost like a moment of clarity. A few words on repeat in his head. 

_ ‘Go outside.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is so short but I did feel like I had to post something. I can assure everyone, I have not given up on this story. Time is just very limited until the end of the year so this kind of took forever to be the way like I envisioned. I really hope everyone is doing well and I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the kudo's and the lovely comments. They really make my day in this hectic time.


	7. Chapter 7

The night air was cool to his skin. Clear skies with stars visible. Though sadly the light pollution from Venice below hid the beauty it could be. Yet it also left a sea of lights below, A beauty in it’s own way. It actually felt good to be out. Now to just find a secluded spot. Cypher didn’t expect someone one to come out. Since the building looked dark, but, he still had no idea of the actual time. 

After a bit of searching he found some secluded boxes which he could hide in between. Unless someone would specifically be looking, he’d be pretty much invisible. Yet there was still this lovely view. Even the voices were content for the moment. This is what he liked to do with Nora. Find a nice and secluded spot in the Moroccan mountains and stare at the city lights below. He could almost feel her in his arms again. Smell the flowers in her hair. Hear her hum softly to some random tunes. He felt home. Something he didn’t feel in a very long time. 

Time was irrelevant while he was sitting in his secluded spot. It could have been minutes or hours. Just staring. His mind was numb. The wind was gently moving though his hair. It almost felt like fingers.  _ Her _ fingers. She liked to comb through his hair. It almost felt too real. Cypher didn't want to admit how much he missed this. How much he missed these simple touches. Unconsciously he moved his head with the wind. Eyes closed to just follow the movement. Whining when the wind decided to settle down. 

Slowly opening his eyes. Vision blurry due to lack of sleep. Yet he could clearly see her standing there. The lights of the city below made her even more beautiful.

_ Nora _ _   
  
_

Finally she was there again. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Rubbing them painfully before looking again.

_ Nora _ _   
  
_

She was still there. Looking at him. Such a beautiful smile on her face. Full of love. He had to get up. He had to hold her. 

_ Nora _ _   
  
_

He knew it was his mind playing tricks on him. He knew it wasn’t, couldn’t be real. Nora was dead. Yet she was here. Waiting for him. His body moved without thinking. Raising his arm so he could -finally- touch her again. Yet she was just out of his reach. Like she was slowly moving backwards. Teasing him to come closer. 

_ Nora _

With every step he set forwards, she placed one step back. It was frustrating. Why was she doing this. Maybe he just had to move a bit faster. 

_ Nora _

So close. He was so close when Cypher felt two arms around his chest. Pulling him back with, quite frankly a lot of force. It was like a punch in the face. Soft no’s spilling from his lips. Slowly growing louder. Fighting against the arms. Who dared to pull him back from holding HIS wife. 

Yet the arms kept pulling him back. Pulling him against a strong chest while walking backwards. This wasn’t happening. He had to let her go. Again. He couldn’t protect her. Again. More no’s spilled from his lips. Louder now. Doing his very best to fight against the invading arms. Not giving up even when the arms forced him to sit back down in his previous corner. 

Only when a headache arrived full storm did he give up his fight. Pushing his head in his arms. Sobbing like a small child while mumbling nonsense. The owner of the arms tried to soothe him by rubbing his arms. Quickly stopping when Cypher involuntarily flinched and curled up more. Opting instead to just hold. At least the other was silent. Or at the very minimum not loud enough to overpower the booming sound of his pounding headache. 

Tears were just streaming nonstop down his face. Soft whimpers resembling no’s coming from his lips. Not even having strength left to fight against the arms wrapped around his chest and abdomen. Pressed firmly against another body that refused to let him go. Refused to let him be with his wife. Refused to go home where he belonged. 

He didn’t know how long they had been sitting there before the tears finally turned into soft sobs. Slowly relaxing in the other’s hold. Feeling the soft breath in his neck. He also felt some wetness in his neck. Had the other been crying as well? Why? It’s not like someone would care. He was just so tired. Yet Cypher did not dare to close his eyes. The nightmares would not show any mercy. 

Lucky, the body behind him took a deep breath and shifted. Dragging Cypher to shift with it. Causing him to let loose a soft groan in annoyance. Only to have a soft voice in Russian.

‘I have some painkillers for your headache.’

Never had Cypher ever been so grateful to be offered pain medication. Of course Sova would know what a headache due to cybernetic eyes felt like. Mumbling a barely audible ‘please’. 

Quickly downing the pills with a bit of the water Sova had brought as well. Silence once again overtook the two. Of which Cypher was very grateful. Feeling the headache slowly lessing to a dull thumping every so now and then. 

The night sky made it hard to guess the current time. The lack of lights from Venice showing that it was pretty fucking late. Eventually Sova broke the silence again.

‘Talk to me Cy…’

Talking was the last thing Cypher wanted to do. Knowing it wouldn’t be about small talk or the other talking about his latest mission. Instead choosing to just not reply. 

‘Who is Nora?’

This caused the Morrocan to tense up and hold his breath. How could Sova know. He had been so careful to remove all his information from the online files. Releasing his breath in short burst Cypher started hyperventilating. Brain going a thousand miles per hour. Trying to figure out how the other could know. The files! It had to be the files. The same files Sage used against him. 

A strong hand turned his face to stare at mismatched eyes. Which looked awfully calm. 

‘Deep breaths, Cy.’ Breathing along to help the other calm back down. ‘You’re ok. I’m sorry for asking.’

Luckily, with help Cypher got his breathing under control. Calmly breathing together in silence. It actually felt comfortable. Enjoying the warmth of each other. Both opting to not say anything. Feeling a warm breath in his hair. It was almost enough to lull him to sleep. Eyes growing heavy while relaxing even further. He barely heard Sova’s next question.

‘Do you think you can move to a bedroom?’

Cypher let out a soft groan and started to sit up straight before replying. ‘Probably. Don’t wanna be alone though.’

‘I’ll stay with you if you’d like.’

‘Please.’

Slowly both got up. Stretching sore muscles after sitting on the ground for so long. Sova didn't dare to lose sight of the other. Quickly grabbing the Moroccans hand to escort him back inside. Bothing knowing the directions inside well enough that they didn’t need to turn on any lights. It didn’t take them long to reach Sova’s room. Opening the door quietly so they could step inside. 

‘So, hope you don’t mind sharing a bed. Which side do you prefer?’

Cypher didn’t respond at first. Just looking through the room. Taking in the details. Noting to himself that it was actually 4:35am already. ‘The left, if you don’t mind.’ Slowly he started to remove his jacket before sitting down on the bed and taking off his shoes. Hearing Sova rustle with his own clothes before feeling the bed dip down. More movement on the bed caused the other to turn around. Finding the blonde sitting on the bed in a meditative position. 

‘I have nightmares quite often.’ Sova stated after seeing the questioning stare. ‘Sage taught me to meditate. It helps a lot.’

‘I’m glad it does.’ Cypher sighed before lying down. Back facing the other. The bed was very comfortable and smelled of the other. 

‘Nora was my wife. She died during the events of first light.’ 

  
  


Sova needed a moment to comprehend what he just heard. It explained a lot of what happened today. ‘I’m so sorry for your loss.’ Placing one of his hands on the others shoulder. At least the other wasn’t flinching away this time. ‘Thank you for telling me this.’

‘I just want to go back home.’

‘You don’t feel like we’re family?’

‘I like being with Jett and you. I don’t mind most of the other agents but, it’s not home.’ Cypher sighed before continuing. ‘I just want things to go back like before. Before first light. I know it’s not possible but…’

More shifting on the bed as Sove lied down as well. Facing the others back. not removing the hand on shoulder. 

‘I’m sorry…’ 

‘Don’t be sorry Cy. It has been rough for you. Try to get some rest. Then we can talk some more tomorrow. Da?’

‘..Yes.’

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Busy period is FINALLY over! \o/   
> Happy new years to everyone. Hope your holidays have been amazing and that everyone is safe.

**Author's Note:**

> There's no lore yet. I'm probably completely wrong with this but who cares.


End file.
